Tarot reading 001 - Will Jesse and Meg have a boy or a girl?
Overview
The querant (Jesse) and his wife (Meg) are expecting a child in October, and I offered on an episode of my podcast to use Tarot to guess if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. I was attempting to prove to the querant that Tarot is objectively real and so had a lot riding on this.
Judgment
I elected to do a simple one-card draw that would give us an answer to the question at hand, and drew the Ace of Disks. I ascribed this card to the unborn child in question, and it fit well: the Ace of Disks represents a new beginning in the material realm, which roughly lines up with what a human baby is. However, this card does not depict any genital organs or secondary sex characteristics, ruining my only plan for making a decision one way or another on the question. I hastily opted to do a 3-card draw instead and hoped that with more chances, a helpful card would materialize.
The second card I drew was the 2 of Cups, called “Love” in the Thoth deck. It depicts two fish spitting water into a flower or something. I ascribed the querant and his spouse to the fish in question, suggesting that some act performed by the two of them may have aided in the manifestation of the child, an idea borrowed from something truly wild I heard at the schoolyard. I was getting confusing symbols here: the flower was presenting as a yogic signifier, but the fist were squirting focused jets of water, which definitely rang as phallic to me. Once again, I required further clarification.
The third card drawn was the Princess of Cups. As we all know, only girls can be princesses, so the omens were clear. The baby would be a girl.
Outcome
Internal imaging of the fœtus during a routine pregnancy examination revealed a clump of tissue configured in the classic “dick and balls” pattern, providing overwhelming evidence that the happy couple are due a bouncing baby boy this fall. This was revealed to the world at a reveal party where participants were ordered to consume a bite of Jell-O; if the substance was sweet, then a “sweet girl” was in the cards, but if it was spicy, then a “spicy boy” it was destined to be. The Jell-O was spicy.
Analysis
I could not be more thrilled to be wrong with this reading. Now that I can see, in retrospect, that
I’m sorry I can’t keep doing this. It sucks that I was wrong. There was a GIRL on the CARD. It was a GIRL CARD. And now Jesse doesn’t think TAROT is REAL. I BLEW IT SO BAD FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK