Now that I am entering my third year of only using this blog when the sun is at its zenith, It’s simultaneously easier to update when the time comes and harder to any other time. On the bright side, I’ve found a sustainable release cadence!
Looking at my last update, I don’t see many changes. I’m still juggling my day job, client work, and childcare, and wishing that I was able to do more to care for my body and control my focus. As I’m writing this, I’m sitting in a Panera (where I’m pleased to report I have become a member of the Unlimited Sip Club) where an unholy remix of Sixpence None The Richer’s “Kiss Me” is playing too loud right above my head, and I’m keeping an eye on the support channel for my real job while kid is doing trapeze tricks at her indoor summer camp on the hottest day of the year (so far!). The Eternal Hodgepodge.
I guess that’s what I signed up for, and every time I get jealous of the engineers that can put in a 12 hour day and really get into a flow state, I remember that they are the monastics, and my householder status permeates every iota of my life. I told a friend that I need to remind myself at the end of the day where it feels like I didn’t move the ball forward at all, that I took care of my family and spent time with my kid, and that’s is an irreversible investment of attention and care that reverberates forward, forever.
I’m feeling that big time due to wife’s cancer episode, which thankfully is coming to a long-tailed conclusion after a successful surgical procedure. I’m so grateful we caught it early, the procedure went well, blah blah blah. It sucked, and I doubled the plates I was spinning knowing I was going to drop a few. Learned a lot about apologizing, but also a lot about demanding the grace and patience that I extend to others when they fall short. Just like after kid was born, I relished asking for help, knowing that it’s as much a favor for the helper as it is for the helped.
The other big change is that kid is in some form of school now, which gives wife some time to collect her thoughts and pursue her projects after 3 1/2 long years of full-time parenting. I don’t know what full-on School is going to look like but in retrospect September of last year was a chapter break, and now kid has a social scene and a place to get a break from us. I’m finding it easier to relax while on duty; instead of kid needing entertainment from me she is finding other kids to play with, or activities to puzzle over. There’s a sense of balance that simply wasn’t there before.
My public social media presence has mostly dried up, but I’ve been spending a lot of time in closed groups, where there is a frenzy of activity. Due almost entirely to my decision to review every season of Survivor I watch, I’ve gotten some writing practice in the past year, that I sense will pay off in the future for something more tangible. It feels good when I can sit down and bang something out that’s been burning a hole in my to-do list for weeks, like the words you’re reading right now. What I’m learning is that writing and coding are two different activities, and I need to decide which I’m doing at any given point and get into that zone. I have too many web sites, with more on the way, but Phil’s Web Site is accreting into my main web presence, and I’m having a lot of fun figuring it out.
Intention time: I yearn to bounce and wiggle and sit again. I want my poor feet to be healed one day. I’ve broken ground on a private web site platform designed for families, and would love to look back on a year of progress on that front. I also maybe want to be on Survivor, which would involve a lot of major life changes to even be in a position to be eligible. On the other hand, I would get to make a new web site for that…